so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
