I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
