don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
