Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
