Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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