So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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