respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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