Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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