I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
