I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
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