I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
