He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
