Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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