Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I believe in your delicious
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
