In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
