hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
