This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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