i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
