If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
