PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
