Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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