Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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