do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
