And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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