Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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