i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
