I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
