Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize