He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
