textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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