im drinking this country out of the recession.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
