guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
