you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
