Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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