CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
