then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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