a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
