Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
