What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
