ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize