so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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