No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
