god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
