I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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