wakey wakey hands off snakey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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