If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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