Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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