Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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