You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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