nut hugger
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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