i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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