I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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