38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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