I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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