If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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