I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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