So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
