His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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