can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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