She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cockslap morals
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
