My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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