the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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