I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
