the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
