Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
