When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
