There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
