I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
