Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
