some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
