I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
