So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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