ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
