can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
