Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
