3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
